Max Lash Lift
Max Lash Lift
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“Hold on tight everyone!” Sean shouted in fright as he grabbed the edges of the boat, while the current moved the boat into the storm. The waves grew to over six feet and crashed into the bow one after another. The boat lifted into the air, and slammed back down against the water. Max grasped the side, and still almost fell out, as the boat again clobbered down into the water. Torrential rain began to lash at their terrified faces, and caused the water to reach their ankles.
Then a bright chain of lightning struck across the sky and illuminated the clouds. There was silence, except for the only sound of rain droplets splashing into the ocean. Then, BOOM! An Abrupt thunder echoed all around. Within seconds another flash bolted down, and then another.
Max and his friends slid under the back seat as the rain became too heavy. Then another wave lifted the boat, causing them to uncontrollably roll to the other side. They couldn't stop themselves from screaming.
How big is the boat? How many people are in it? What kind of boat? Is the engine out? You haven't set the scene very well for us, but if this is a continuation of a larger scene, I'll assume you did that already. And six-foot swells might seem scary if you've never encountered it, but the really big storms produce waves way bigger than that. This seems like a storm that would produce waves in the fifteen- to twenty-foot range.
You use "then" twice in the same paragraph. I've got a personal peeve against sentences starting with "there" (your mileage may vary), so I'd say something like "Eerie silence reigned, other than the sound of rain pattering into the ocean." Lose the BOOM, you don't need it. "Another flash bolted down" -- I'd say "Another bolt flashed down," but, again, that's probably a YMMV thing. "As the rain became too heavy"--too heavy for what?
I'm not getting a feeling for your characters from this. I understand that they're terrified, but I want more. Their senses are probably pretty overwhelmed by the storm; give us a sense of that. Water up their noses, rain plastering their hair down and running into their eyes and ears, electricity sizzling on their skin, being deafened by the thunder...
It's a good start, very evocative and action-y. 